I believe that if everyone’s honest, when they get into their 60s, they have some regrets. I want to redefine “regrets” today. Regrets often spring from heartache, a difficult situation, or a wrong choice. I regret I never learned to play an instrument. I had the opportunity, but none of my friends did, so I didn’t take the time. I regret that. I regret not starting to exercise before I was in my 40s.
Many of the things we call regrets involve dealing with things or people beyond our control. If we had known this or that going into it, we would have handled it much differently. You can’t be a leader without some blunders, mistakes, judgment errors, and missed opportunities. Let’s learn from them. I hope you don’t beat yourself up over regrets. If you do, you won’t go forward in faith.
Let me share seven lessons I wish I would have learned sooner.
- Talking with Jesus enough makes talking for Jesus easier. When I became a minister, I probably thought more about what seemed good to me and expected Jesus to jump on board. I had to nurture my walk, listening to the Holy Spirit, developing an ear to hear what Christ was saying to me. I learned the lesson that getting alone and spending time with the Lord will keep me from falling into a routine and becoming rigid, functioning from an old wineskin.
- Work more on who Jesus called me to be, and think less about what people weren’t pleased with about me.By nature, I used to be a man-pleaser. I wanted to make people happy and better. But that sets you up for failure. It sets you up to care too much about who congratulates or compliments you. Now, I believe we need to do everything with excellence, but if you lead to please, you’ll end up pleasing no one. You have to know the vision God has placed before you. What has God spoken over this month, this year, the next five years? How are you leading your people?An older gentleman on staff at Bethany when I first joined would share these nuggets of wisdom with me. They were so good. He said to me, “Brother Mark, don’t worry about what the people think about you because people don’t think about you.” I was confused. He said, “Let me help you on this. Your name might be a comment on something, but people who have to talk about you or about anyone else are not in relationship. It’s just a passing comment, and then they go back to thinking about themselves. So don’t worry about what they think about you.” It was a simple statement, but it set me free.
- Get things done by mentoring people rather than merely managing. I started a church with just a few families in a smaller community. I didn’t want to put undue pressure on anyone, so I developed the mentality, “I’ll just get it done. I’ll do it.” Didn’t matter what it was. But that’s not creating a team.
I didn’t do a good job of developing a team at the beginning. A mentor said to me, “Mark, if you want something done right, get someone else to do it. They may not do it just like you. It might only be 70% to 80% correct, but the more opportunities they have, the more they’ll develop. Then you can focus on the bigger picture and the team in a greater way.” I gave it a listening ear. I learned that growing isn’t just about numbers; it’s about being a healthy team where people are fulfilled, children are being reached, and so forth.
- Manage with proper metrics. When ministers are in the early stages of their church, their metrics are often size or success. They think that if they reach that metric, they’ll feel good about themselves and be more respected in the community. I love the term “significance” because it’s very different from “successful.” Significance brings lasting value. It brings joy, something from the Lord. Significance is seen in the case of a guy I mentor who, two years ago, was in a drug addiction center, but today he’s in college and bringing other drug addicts to church. Manage with the proper metrics. Make sure your system is biblical because Jesus was about significance, not success.
- Develop my family life and friendships rather than giving in to pressure. Please, Pastor, enjoy the journey and not just the destination. Leaders will live with balance. You can be fully devoted, fully committed, and fully attentive. In my earlier days, I was guilty of going home and then finding out about a situation, need, or emergency, and I’d be with my family in body, but my attention would be elsewhere. I had to learn to make the decision not to lose my family over things that were robbing my joy or taking up my time. For younger ministers, I tell them today that your greatest fulfillment and joy as you age is seeing your children and grandchildren being productive for the kingdom of God. That will be your greatest joy. I’m grateful for the mentors the Lord used to point out these things so I could make changes.
- Spiritual warfare is real, and I am a special target. The moment you say you want to be a pastor or leader in some capacity, a target is placed on your back. If it were easy, anyone or everyone would be doing it. So the devil will target you. What do you have set up to help you with this? You need to be honest and transparent and have a trusted few you can go to when challenges come. Many a good man or woman has fallen into the trap of despair, made wrong choices, been led astray, or quit.
Now, sometimes spiritual warfare happens because of our own foolishness. One key area is in our health. Physical, mental, spiritual… we have to be intentional about taking care of them. What do you do that brings relief? That’s fun? That brings balance to your ministry life? What are you doing to keep growing? What are you listening to? What books are you reading? Who has access to tell you that you seem “off”? The enemy knows your weaknesses, but you can be an overcomer by dealing with your past issues and making sure doors are closed to anything that could derail you.
- It is worth it all. If I had the opportunity to go back and do all this ministry over again, even though I’ve made mistakes and have regrets, would I? Absolutely! This has been the most joyful experience: following the Lord’s leading, taking risks, moving to a different state, starting from scratch, and all that the Lord has enabled us to do in His leading. Would I change some things? Probably so! I’ve learned over the years. I’ve developed my leadership abilities and my capacity to influence others.In our development, overcoming regrets or mistakes will take us from just serving the Lord to really being His friend (John 15:15). Friends can talk about things that didn’t go right and know that they’re still accepted and loved as they grow through it.I want to finish strong. The teachable person finishes strong, so I want to be teachable. The honorable person finishes strong, so I want to be honorable. The humble person finishes strong, so I want to be humble. The transformed person finishes strong, so I want to be transformed. I will accomplish much for the kingdom of God if I keep the main things the main things.
Pastor, don’t beat yourself up over what didn’t go right or what didn’t work out. Thank God you tried something! Give yourself credit for that. But remember that God has done and is doing great things for you. Just love the Lord, love your family, love the body of Christ. Develop good friends. Learn and grow, moving forward from your disappointments and becoming an overcomer who can hear the Holy Spirit and do all you’re called to do in Christ Jesus.
This blog was created using content from the webinar Leadership Lessons I Wish I Would Have Learned Sooner.
