As a minister, you can expect “hard.” It comes with the territory. The enemy is against what God has planned for your ministry, and he will wage war against you.
I grew up in a pastor’s home. My father went through a divorce early on in his ministry, in his first marriage. He later had a child diagnosed with a condition like cerebral palsy. There were all the usual challenges that came with leading a church. And then my mother was given a death sentence of cancer at 48. She beat that cancer and lived to be 91! But I remember that my parents took it to prayer. When the doctor told my dad, “It’d take a miracle for her to live,” he looked back at the doctor and said with strength, “Doctor, we’ll get our miracle,” because he really believed that. He was convinced that God could be trusted and that He would come through for them. And through everything with the church, my parents persevered. They would not throw in the towel; they waited to see God come through for them. I’m thankful for what I saw in them and learned from them because it gave me something to model when Jim and I stepped into ministry.
As Jim shared in our last blog, a well-known evangelical seminary studied a select group of ministers that finished well, and they discovered that the greatest predictor of a minister’s success or failure is his relational circle. They said that, “with few exceptions, those who experienced success in ministry and finished well had a significant network of meaningful relationships that inspired, challenged, listened, pursued, developed, and held them accountable.” I like the old adage, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” The friends we keep determine our success in life.
There are four types of relationships we need to be successful in our lives and ministries:
Your spiritual parents. I think of Psalm 68:6, which says, “God sets the lonely in families.” He is always so good to give us who we need, those who are ahead of us and have walked into places that we hope to walk into. In both ministry and life, our spiritual parents can be a big help to us as we navigate the many challenges we’ll encounter.
Jim likes to point out that a spiritual parent is someone who can birth potential and believe in you (1 Corinthians 4:15). Paul said in this verse, and I’m paraphrasing, “You have many teachers but one father.” He meant that you won’t have many spiritual parents who can birth potential in you, but God will give you the ones that you need.
He also says a spiritual parent is one who can nurture the discipline you need to succeed (Ephesians 6:4). Now, it’s been such blessing to have spiritual parents like this in our lives, those who were patient as we grew and developed in maturity as leaders.
A spiritual parent is one who will strengthen you as you grow through the stages of ministry (2 Kings 2:9-12). Where do you run when things are really, really hard? Do you have a spiritual mother or father you can run to? They may not have all the answers, but they will have the insight to help you come through the season you’re facing.
Your mentors. A mentor inspires you through their example (1 Corinthians 11:1). I remember back when we only had one baby, Michael, there was a godly lady in our church. Through the years, she has mentored me and is such a godly example of a wife, mother, church member, in-law, friend. She is about 20 years older than me, and we are a lot alike. I can easily connect with her and always look to learn from the way she lives. She’s a blessing!
Mentors matter. They are somebody you want to be like. That’s what I saw in my mentor: someone I wanted to emulate. I found something attractive in my mentor. I watched her, and I learned from her. Jim has had similar mentorships. Many of his mentors he hasn’t even rubbed shoulders with! He has just put Philippians 3:17 to work and kept his eyes on those who lived and modeled the lifestyle he wanted. A dear friend of mine says that James Dobson was her mentor. She didn’t have a spiritual father nearby, so she looked to him through his many sermons and resources to learn how to live.
Mentors inspire us through their example (1 Corinthians 11:1), empower us through training (Philippians 3:17), and reproduce God’s blessing in our lives (Hebrews 13:7-8).
When Jim was in college, he didn’t know much about faith because he came from a Catholic background. He grew by listening to over 200 tapes of a minister speaking on faith, and that minister was a mentor to him even though they didn’t sit down for a meal together. That man downloaded faith into Jim’s heart. God used him.
Your teachers. I think about one of our friends who had pastored for ten years, but he hadn’t gotten very far. He went to a John Maxwell conference and bought a bunch of products. His friends laughed at him because they thought he had “taken the bait” and been sold on something useless, but our friend had seen on the side of a bus the statement, “If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.” He quoted that to his friends. John Maxwell became a teacher who took him from 200 to 2,000 members through the wisdom he gained from those products.
Example is critical. Get teachers who can do the thing they teach and not just somebody who seems to know something about the subject that matters to you. And develop a continuing education plan. Write a list based on the statement, “If I were better at these things, it would make a huge difference in my life.” Then seek out teachers who can spark growth in these areas.
As a mom and pastor’s wife, I learned that I have to take care of myself and invest in myself. Nobody knows how to do that for you but you. When you begin to invest in yourself, you get stronger and sharper and grow in the areas that matter most to your success. Life is busy, so you have to be intentional. Otherwise, you’re going to get caught up in ministry. So make an appointment with yourself! Make an appointment for self-care and self-improvement. Take control of your schedule.
Your friends. Friends are loyal and faithful (Proverbs 17:17). They are truth-tellers (Proverbs 27:6). They bring wise counsel and caring influence (Proverbs 27:9). They are reliable and supportive (Proverbs 27:10). And they care for your well-being and reputation (Proverbs 16:28).
Jim and I have dear friends who’ve been with us since college and friends at Significant Church who are wonderful and supportive. This group has been with us through many seasons of life and shared with us tears, triumphs and troubles. I was in a stressful season, personally, last year, and I showed up to a meeting with my friends depleted, both emotionally and physically. My friends took the time to minister to me. It was life-giving! I went home so encouraged and aware of myself because I had been with them. Their different perspectives helped me to see my situation more clearly.
The investment in friendship is worth it. When you need a friend, they’re there for you. And when they need support, you can be there for them.
How much time are you taking to develop the relationships you need to live successfully end well? Pastor, some people will leave you. Some will lie about you. But if you have these critical relationships, then your ministry will be a great journey. Two are better than one. When we have the right people in our lives, they make our lives richer, warmer, safer, and stronger. We’re always better together.
If you’re in need of some godly relationships and don’t know where to begin, we hope that you’ll join us for our National Leadership Retreat on January 26-28, 2026 in Austin, Texas. We love to laugh and talk with all our Significant Church friends! There’s so much happening here relationally, and we want you to get in on it! You may find a friend or a teacher. You may find a mentor. You may even find a spiritual father or mother here. Come be a part of our community, and let’s see what God has in store for you! You can learn more or register to come by visiting this page.
This blog was created using content from the webinar Relationships We Need to Succeed Part 2.
