Any of us that have been in ministry for any amount of time know how important it is and how much effort and intention it takes to balance life and ministry. One thing that I’ve found after these few decades in life and ministry is that we have to keep adjusting to new seasons because seasons change. We have to keep finding balance in each new season in ministry, as family grows, as the church grows. We must be flexible. Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He teaches us. He teaches us in every season how to find the balance we need.
Failing to plan is planning to fail. If everything’s changing around you and you’re not adjusting well, that’s a big challenge. If your family crumbles, your ministry crumbles with it. Even more than that, I promise you, if your ministry prospers and your family doesn’t, you’re not going to be happy. So today I’d like to share with you seven things that, if you practice them, you’ll be on your way to balancing family and ministry in a way that honors the Lord and brings benefits to your life.
In 1 Timothy 3, God talks about the pastor, and twice He says, “The pastor must manage his household and his family well.” None of us have perfect families. We’re all growing and have things we need to work through, but I think that scripture is saying, “Pastor, work on your family.” Think about it: What you’re trying to do in the church is put together a bunch of healthy families, right? That work needs to start with yours! So let’s jump in:
1. Plan to be excellent at all important relationships. All excellent relationships have two things in common: One, there’s a compelling vision. We’re excited about who we’re going to become. And two, there’s a clear plan that tells us how we’re going to get there. Believe it or not, most people who are struggling don’t realize it just got too complex, it got out of hand. Come back to the basics, get a clear plan, remember why you fell in love, remember why you couldn’t wait for that son or daughter to be born, and then put things in the places that cause you to really excel at relationships.
My son Michael does an excellent job of tending to relationships by putting event dates on the calendar and communicating with those they love. They’ve learned to find the rhythm with friends and family, where they’re making plans ahead of time so that people don’t get hurt or feel left out. This communication has been key to staying on top of birthdays, anniversaries, special events, and everyday schedules.
2. Plan what fulfills you overall and individually. For us guys, we like sports, right? Geoff, Michael and I watch Steeler games and talk like we know how to coach better than Coach Tomlin. Jake came into the mix, and now we’ve got a Cowboys fan. We can trash talk and have a lot of fun. But Mom, she likes making cheese dip, and sports aren’t her idea of a good time. Things are very different for her.
My daughter Andrea is really good at planning individually to people’s hearts. She takes time before each season to think about how she can inject bits of joy into the season for each person before stress threatens to take over. She plans a few things to do for herself to stay fresh, and she thinks through opportunities for everyone else in her family. It’s important to her that everyone’s passions and joys have time for exploration. By planning in advance, she helps keep everyone’s cup full and shows love and consideration for her family.
I believe not only do we need to plan ahead, but we need to teach our children to plan. When we teach them to pray and hear from the Holy Spirit according to Ephesians 1, we are really teaching them to plan a rich life, and that’s so important. But sometimes as pastors, our family takes the back burner to ministry, and I want to encourage you today to protect your most important relationships. Some of my best memories were going to plays with my daughters and doing things with my sons. These activities don’t make you more tired; they revive and refresh you for leadership!
3. Plan both weeks and seasons. My daughter Emily models this skill every year. She lives in Tulsa, OK, right now, and so each Christmas before she comes for a visit, she texts all of us and asks if there’s anything that matters to us (or the grandchildren) that would be good to plan into her schedule when she returns. Maybe one of her siblings is preaching in a different environment, or one of her nieces or nephews is exploring a new hobby. And by planning this way, she’s able to show love and support to every individual.
When you have a plan and know what your priorities are, you prevent stress and live at peace. Your relationships thrive!
4. Plan to serve as a family. My son Michael has said that growing up, he thought it was cool to feel like part of the church, making a difference through serving alongside his mom and me. One time, he and I acted together in a musical drama! Every one of our children was encouraged to find their place in the ministry, and it’s neat to see them passing that on to their children. I hear it in their language: “Daddy’s volunteering; he’s helping the worship team today.” They make sure they are communicating that the family is going to church, not work. Why is this important? Because our family needs church just as much as the members of our church need it.
My son Geoff and his wife have a creative way of planning to serve as a family. When they put together their calendar, they ask 4 F’s:
1. What food are we going to eat? This ensures healthy meals and fewer grumpy moments.
2. What friends or family are we going to see? Someone they care about might be having a birthday or graduating, or it might just be time to reconnect and strengthen relationships.
3. What are our finances? As people who budget, they have to think ahead about what they’re planning to do and how big they can go.
4. What about fitness? They plan when they’re going to work out, when they’re going to prioritize personal health so they are strong enough to run the miles ahead of them in home life and in ministry.
In part 2 of this blog, I’ll go through the last 3 things you can do to gain mastery of your schedule and balance family and ministry time, so stay tuned!
This blog was created using content from the webinar From Limping to Leading.
