There was a time in my leadership journey that I realized I wasn’t fully alive. I knew Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flows the wellspring of life,” but how was I to guard my heart? How was I to learn how to intentionally come alive so that I flourished? An education gap I had was, “How do I as a leader regularly invest in me so that I am fully alive, so that I bring my whole self?” I didn’t want to be a poser. I didn’t want to be hypocritical. I wanted to learn an intentional way of life that would bring me to life, then affect my goals, then affect my leadership development. I wanted to see that caring for me was not a waste of time but possibly the most important investment I could make.
You have probably heard this quote, but it’s worth repeating. It’s from Howard Thurman. “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do that because what the world needs is people who’ve come alive.” In the second century, Irenaeus said, “The glory of God is a man fully alive.” Knowing ourselves, knowing what brings us life is a valuable part of leadership that can get overlooked.
I had a wonderful Italian mother, Gloria Caliguire. She would say to me, “Jeff, you can do anything.” The problem is she was wrong. There really are some things that I’m not made to do. The temptation, especially when you get into ministry, is thinking you should do everything and do everything well. Spending a lot of time in zones that weren’t my God-given gifts or my genius led me to discouragement and eventually burnout. I didn’t know how to stay in my lane, and honestly, I didn’t know what exactly my thing was. I hadn’t been through a process to help me draw a circle encompassing what I would do, which would have made it easier to say no to a lot of other things. Actually, by saying “no” to some things, you’re bringing life. You don’t need to feel guilty for not doing the things that God didn’t create you to do.
Great coaching can help you get clear on who you are and what you do best, which creates vision and helps you say no to things that really aren’t in your zone.
As a coach, I help leaders learn not to apologize for how they come alive. If you come alive fly fishing, see that as a spiritual thing. If you come alive driving race cars, if you come alive reading history books, don’t apologize for your time in the things that bring you to life. If you love golf, let God bring you to life on a golf course. God wired the spirit within you this way. If guarding your heart means that you need to go on short vacations or ride your bike, don’t apologize.
Here is a collection of five big things that I share with leaders through coaching to get them to start thinking. They’re not always linear, but they’re often part of the journey.
1. Become aware of what brings you FULLY ALIVE.
When I meet with a leader, instead of starting with the problem, I start with, “Who you are at your best? What gives you life? When are you in the zone?” Sometimes that’s part of your ministry. For me, sometimes it’s when I’m outside in the mountains. The reason I do as much work as I can outside, and when I have leaders come here, we usually go for hikes or sit outside is because I come alive outside. Know what brings you life. Know what causes you to not just survive but thrive.
An exercise that I use as a coach is to have my clients write down the things they have to do. You can do this yourself. Just write down what you do in a week, everything from your workout to your meetings, and then assign a number to each one for what brings you life. Here’s my scale:
2 = It totally brings me to life, I get more energy.
1 = I get some energy.
-1 = It actually kind of drains me.
-2 = I wish somebody else could do it and I didn’t have to.
This simple exercise will help you see what things excite you and what drains you. There are themes. You may not be able to give away all of your negative numbers at once, but you’ll become aware and better moderate your energy throughout the week.
2. Become aware of where you achieved significantly in the PAST.
What have you done in the past where you were at your best? There was a British man named Bernard Holdan. He recognized as he was working with people, demilitarized after World War II, that the most important things that could help someone find their way of life started by understanding what made them come alive when they were a kid or in the military. One of my coaches, a guy named Bob Beal, talks about doing what you loved when you were in fourth grade. Again, for me, it was being outside. When you were in fourth grade, what did you love? What did you achieve? Were you the kid who got everybody together to do something?
3. Become aware of where God is at work all around you PRESENTLY.
One of the things I do in the morning is I give gratitude. I consider where I saw God’s hand yesterday, what the wins were, and so on. Become aware so you’re not having to push against and try to make something happen that isn’t happening. Let’s think about this right now. Where has God showed up in the last month for you? Where are you seeing God moving that maybe surprises you? Be willing to ask yourself, even as you look back over the last six months or so, “What has God been doing that is almost surprising, and how is that bringing me to life? How can I see more of that?”
4. Seek to find God’s VIVID VISION, and let that influence your habits.
God created us with choice and imagination. Pastor, you’re a thought leader. You’re in the knowledge work, and so using your imagination is a way of life. Take time each day, each week to find God. Ask Him, “What is the vision that’s going to propel me? What’s the vision for me?” Vision is a picture of a preferred future that comes from a thing called hope.
I realized one of the things I lacked in my leadership was hope. Hope is having a positive imagination. Vision is when you take time each day, each month, each year to ask, “What is the positive imagination that I see, and how do I articulate it first for me and then to other people?”
“Above all else, guard your heart.” I think guarding your heart is guarding the hope and the resilience inside of you. I used to be night person, but now I start each day at 5:30 or 6 AM by meditating and renewing my hope. I’m in the hope business.
5. Say YES to only your 20% and surrounding yourself with others.
We all have to do our laundry. We have to go to the dentist even if we don’t love doing it. The more you can chip away the things that really aren’t in your wheelhouse and let others do them, the more you will feel alive. We’ve got someone who handles hospitality and operations for us at our ranch. Could I do it? Yes, but I’ve learned that I’m the best when I’m coaching, networking, vision-casting. That’s why we hired someone who’s overseeing the processes. It’s hard for a lot of us to say no because we think we should be doing it or other pastors are doing it. We may think, “Jim Graff goes and does that. I guess I should too.” But you’re not Jim Graff. You’re you. Say yes to the things that are meant for you, that are your genius, your unique ability. And say no to things that aren’t. It’s okay to not do it all.
One of the reasons that I work with a coach is I need someone to ask me, “Is that something that brings you life? Should you be doing that? Is that what you’re meant to do?” God is honored as you come to life.
Pastor, you have been called according to God’s purpose. You have unique gifts given to bless others, to inspire, to lead, to encourage, to mentor, to coach. My prayer for you is that you will discover what makes you come alive in this season of life and that God will surprise you with opportunities to live at maximum energy and make maximum impact for His Kingdom. Take time for introspection today. Seek the Lord, and discover His purpose in how you function best.
This blog was created using content from the webinar The Winning Play: Setting Goals for Real Success.
