It’s an important thing for pastors to have the right friends in their corner because pastors steward a lot a lot of lives. We have our own life, our spouse’s life, our kids’ lives, our staff’s lives, and our church—and we’re trying to help all of them become everything God wants them to be. A big part of that is teaching everybody in our world, including ourselves, how to have the friendships that cause God to answer our prayers and us to do the things that He’s wanted us to do.
Living in relationship makes life richer, stronger, warmer and safer. Clarence the angel in It’s a Wonderful Life said, “No man is a failure who has friends.” We believe that. We’re always better together. And some people are what we call “postage stamp friends.” They’ll stick with you no matter what you go through until the very end. As pastors, we need those kinds of people in our lives. We need the kind of people that will help us stay faithful and succeed in our calling. We need people that push the feeling of isolation away and invest in us, our families, and our futures.
I believe there are 5 things every pastor needs as we’re managing our relationships:
- Friends Who Are Accessible: We as pastors need access to people who have what we need at every stage of life and ministry. We can’t go where we don’t have directions. The instruction given to Moses by his father-in-law in Exodus 18 was really about accessibility. Take time to read it and think about what great advice he was given. It’s advice that produces satisfied sheep. It’s advice that helps us manage the strain as leaders. Only God can be omnipresent; a pastor who tries to be everywhere and do everything will only wear himself out. We need to limit accessibility to us and open it to those who are a little farther down the road and can guide us to where we need to go.
- Friends Who Offer Assistance: We all know that we’re going to need some help at one time or another. It’s important we know someone who cares enough about us continuing in God’s will that they’ll support us in every season of life and ministry. I (Jim) remember a time when I was going through something really hard to deal with, and a friend who has known me since I was 21 years old was glad to listen and help me out. He is not only a sharp pastor with a lot of wisdom, but he knows me well. He knows what makes me mad, what my strengths are, and so forth, and it makes his counsel rich to me.
- Friends Who Hold Us Accountable: Scripture says that the wounds of a friend are faithful. They are what we need to keep us moving forward in life. But we have to let the right people into our life if they’re going to help us. There won’t be any real accountability without transparency and vulnerability on our part. Probably the biggest sin pastors struggle with is comparison. We want to look good. But Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves… they are not wise.” We’ve got to realize we’re not all made to do the same thing. A lot of pastors carry a constant heaviness because they’re not trying to do their best; they’re trying to be the best and comparing themselves along the way. Comparison shuts others out. For accountability to take place, we need to accept “this is who I really am,” and be willing to confess our sins to one another. If we’ll do that, our friends can bring healing and help us understand how to improve in critical areas.
- Friends Who Agree With Us in Prayer: I (Tamara) remember when we were really concerned about a couple we knew who was going through a difficult time. We woke up several mornings at 3 AM, and God kept putting Matthew 18 on our hearts. We agreed in prayer for them, but sadly, they didn’t have agreement between them, and the marriage–and even their church, which was once really strong–doesn’t exist anymore. Every pastor need friends he has developed honest relationship with, who will be persistent in trying to help him and find a place of agreement and unity with him. We all need friends who will pray to release heaven’s wisdom and strength on our behalf so that we can prevail through our difficult seasons. God has called us to form these bonds of agreement because they keep us growing and fruitful in life.
- Friends Who Share Affection: We all want to have close relationships. We all want that special feeling in our hearts with people. It starts with accessibility and assistance and accountability and agreement. Then, a deep affection forms. We call this brotherly love. God created this. Athletes and warriors understand this. It’s the ability to lock arms with someone and serve shoulder-to-shoulder. When the game is over or the battle has been won, they don’t miss the fight; they miss conversations in the locker room, the rec centers, and the barracks. Pastors can have this type of relationship as well with others in ministry. We can lock arms with others who understand where we are and what our mission is, and together we can make goals happen. That’s the kind of friendships we’ve cultivated here at Significant Church, and it’s the kind you can develop here too.
At Significant Church, our goal is to help get more and more pastors out of isolation and into healthy relationships. A lot of pastors don’t know what they could accomplish if they would quit trying so hard in their own strength. If they would just get with us, we have a whole coaching arm where you can get great coaching and watch webinars and listen to leadership-building podcasts. Pretty soon, they’d start developing relationships that would be a blessing and a benefit to their life.
Won’t you consider becoming a part of Significant Church if you’re not already? We’d love to be an encouragement to you, to be available and accessible to help you in whatever season of ministry you find yourself. We believe wholeheartedly that God will equip and empower you and bring direction for the assignment He has given you. And we believe that with us you will find rich relationships that can be fostered to help you live your very best life and do your very best for the Lord.
Membership is free with Significant Church. To join, click here.
This blog was created using content from the webinar The Friends Pastors Need.
