Spend two minutes talking to almost anyone outside the Christian faith, and you’re almost certain to hear a list of complaints they have about Christians.
The problem has been around for a while. As Mahatma Gandhi famously (and sadly) said: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
He’s not alone.
The problem with many non-Christians isn’t that they don’t know any Christians. The challenge is they do.
So what gives?
Many Christians would tell you we have an image problem: we’re treated unfairly, we’re being persecuted, or we’re just badly misunderstood.
I’m not so sure.
It’s not so much that Christians have an image problem. It’s far more likely that we have an integrity problem.
Do we get misunderstood on some issues? Of course. But that’s outside our control.
There are more than a few issues entirely within our control that give us a bad name with people outside Christianity.
Here are 5 things Christians do that non-Christians despise. Maybe Christians don’t have an image problem. Maybe we have an integrity problem.
1. Judge People
It doesn’t take long for non-Christians to tell you how much they hate the way Christians judge other people.
Another two minutes on social media will reveal Christians and preachers condemning unchurched people for their sexual habits and preferences, lifestyle choices, and even political views. I doubt this is what Jesus had in mind when he gave his life in love for the world.
Disclosure: without the mercy and intervention of Christ, I’m very judgmental. And years ago, I realized how devastating judgment and criticism can be to others. So I’m waging a life-long battle against it. Confessing it, repenting of it almost daily.
I realized years ago that very few people get judged into life change. Far more get loved into it. Very few people get judged into life change. Far more get loved into it.
It also occurred to me that the presence of judgment almost always guarantees an absence of love.
Think about it through the lens of your marriage, a friendship, or even someone you work with: it is virtually impossible to love someone and judge someone at the same time.
But wait, you ask: what if they’re making a mistake, and I need to correct them?
First of all, look at your mistakes and the depth of your sin, and deal with your issues first. In the process, you’ll encounter a loving God who forgives you despite your rather egregious sin.
And having been loved, you can love others.
I try to remember this rule: If I’m judging someone, I’m not loving them. You can’t judge someone and love them at the same time.
What would happen if Christians stopped judging the world (isn’t that God’s job?) and started loving it instead?
I believe that’s what Jesus did. You can’t judge someone and love them at the same time.
2. Be Hypocritical
There’s a word for Christians who say one thing and do another. The word is hypocrite.
It’s far easier to call someone else a hypocrite than it is to admit you’re one. It’s far easier to call someone else a hypocrite than it is to admit you’re one.
The truth is that as much as I hate it, I’m a hypocrite. My walk doesn’t always match my talk. That’s why I don’t have a fish on my car. When I’m in a hurry and my natural impatience surfaces, the last thing some person God loves needs to see is a Christian cut him off.
Of course, it’s worse than that. I’m not always a loving husband, kind father, steadfast son, patient boss, or even compassionate friend. Like you, I’m a mixture of good and not-really-that good evil.
What did Paul say? Nothing good lives in me. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 7:18). That could be a life verse for me. Well, actually, it kind of is.
Sanctification is a process that never ends.
I am not who I want to be (yet). I am not who God wants me to be. But I’m different. I’m changing. And Christ is at work in me.
I believe that’s the reality for every person who calls Jesus Savior.
So what do imperfect Christians do? I mean just deciding you’re not going to make mistakes never keeps you from making mistakes.
I think the answer is simple: you watch what you say.
Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not.
I find the more humility I add to my words, the smaller the gap is between who I am and who I say I am.
When you admit your shortcomings, you build a bridge between yourself and others. Owning your sin is different than living in it; confession is never an excuse for complacency. Owning your sin is different than living in it; confession is never an excuse for complacency.
So, what do you do if you live in the tension between what you usually say or want to say and what you do?
I think you change both.
You change how you live through the power of Christ day by day (getting better), and at the same time, you change how you talk about your faith, yourself and how you live (adding more honesty and humility to your words). I wrote about things modern Pharisees say today in this post (the Pharisees were an ultra-religious group Jesus strongly criticized).
Want a quick fix for hypocrisy?
Accelerate your walk. Humble your talk.
Nothing closes the gap between word and action faster than that. Want a quick fix for hypocrisy? Accelerate your walk. Humble your talk.
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3. Stink At Friendship
Friendship is hard.
We all have ideas of finding the perfect friends with whom we’ll never disagree, share 1000 common interests and ride off into the sunset with.
Well, very few human relationships ever work that way. Even in marriage, the best marriages are almost always ones in which people have overcome deep and real obstacles to find a powerful love that’s far deeper than emotion.
Perhaps the first obstacle between non-Christians and Christians is that relatively few Christians actively pursue meaningful friendships with people who don’t share their faith. Between churches that offer programs 5 nights a week (leaving little time for Christians to make friends outside the church) and Christians who are afraid of the world, many Christians don’t pursue authentic relationships with non-Christians.
This means much of the interaction non-Christians have is situational and observational rather than truly relational. They observe Christians in life and at work, notice traces of judgment and hypocrisy, and draw all kinds of conclusions. I get that.
But Jesus went so much deeper than that. Jesus pursued friendships with people who were different than him. Whose lifestyles were far different than anything God had in mind for them (or for people in relationship with him).
Yet Jesus was their friend. He went to their house for dinner. They traveled together. They shared moments and meals and life.
It scandalized the religious leaders of Jesus’ day, and sadly, when it’s practiced authentically, it still scandalizes most of us today.
Think about it. When was the last time you hung out with a sex worker?
When was the last time you had someone who’s not your skin color, not your political persuasion, and doesn’t share your value system over for dinner, or when was the last time you broke bread with an addict (who’s not in recovery)?
Often when Christians do pursue ‘friendships’ with people far from God, it’s more of a project than it is a friendship.
But people aren’t projects; people are people. People can smell it a mile away if you see them as a project, not a person.
Even as you think about expanding the ministry of your church, if you see people as a means to an end, that’s a problem. People can smell it a mile away if you see them as a project, not a person.
Which leads us to another tension in our friendships with those outside the Christian faith.
Some Christians do have a relationship with unchurched people. So: how exactly do you talk about faith?
Great question!
Most of us swing to one extreme or the other: either we always talk about faith, or we never talk about. Both are mistakes.
Always talk about faith, and you’re turning the relationship into a project. Never talk about it, and you miss the most important thing in life.
Real friendships always drill down on real issues, and few things are more significant than the meaning of life.
How do you talk about it? Naturally, organically, in the context of your story is a great place to start.
Real friendships are like that.
4. Use “Insider Speak” or Scripture Too Often
We all know that person who, in response to almost any question, offers a scripture verse.
To non-Christians, Christians often talk weirdly—from the pulpit and with each other. Too often, we use unnecessarily strange language—like this:
“This is good coffee, brother.”
“Amen. Hallelujah.”
“Let’s fellowship together.”
Um, none of this is good. Why not just talk at church the way you speak at the office, at a football game, or on a Saturday by the pool?
And, similarly, while sharing the Bible is central to faith, non-Christians can feel alienated by the way some Christians use scripture in a conversation.
Of course, the Scripture teaches and inspires, but similar to my point above about friendship, we also need to listen and empathize—just like Jesus did.
Perhaps one of the best ways we can share our faith is by embodying its message in our conversations and relationships—listening deeply, asking questions, and inviting curiosity.
Remember, truth shared in the wrong way can become a barrier rather than a bridge.
5. Constantly Invite Non-Christians to Church
Listen, I’m all for inviting people to church, but…
“Hey, you should come to church!”
…can quickly turn people off of visiting a church if it’s the only thing they ever hear from you.
Here’s the thing: people don’t want to feel like projects, and they can tell when invitations are more about checking a box (or out of habit) than genuinely caring for them.
Invite culture is a key approach at the core of thriving churches. So, as you think about inviting people to church, these are a few questions to keep in mind:
- When was the last time you invited someone to your church?
- What happened when you asked? What part of that experience went well? And part didn’t?
- Is there a different approach to your invitation that could be improved for next time?
Remember, what people need most isn’t an invitation to a building; it’s an invitation to a relationship—with you and, ultimately, with Jesus.
The Bottom Line?
When Christians embody more love, humility, empathy, and authenticity, we can begin to break down these barriers that prevent people from attending church and knowing Jesus.
None of us are perfect, but with progress, every step toward genuine love and connection makes a difference.
